Father figure

"I read an article in a textbook about how kids without fathers who watch the Simpsons grow up with a bad example of what a father is supposed to be."

"Um. What?"

"Yea, I guess their claim is that because Homer is lazy, fat, stupid, etc. etc. then kids will grow up thinking that too."

(At this point I farted. I was then reminded of the Family Guy episode where Peter puts on Anna and the King, absolutely destroys it, and then after Lois berates him in front of the audience, he farts really loudly and everybody laughs, thus proving that he is, in fact, the better entertainer. There is no moral to the story.)

(My wife glares at me when I fart.)

"You know, in comparison, Family Guy makes the Simpsons look like a really normal, loving, functional family."

"Yea, but in the early '90s, it was pretty... racy isn't the right word..."

"I suppose. But that's hard to believe now."

(We rehash a couple of episodes that show some pretty good family values.)

"Of course we watch Futurama these days. But that also shows the same values."

"Are you surprised?"

"No, of course not. But either way, their conflicts always get resolved in a fairly realistic consistent way that promotes friendship and loyalty! Even Bender!"

"Truuuuuuue."

"But I think I may need to write an article about how kids without robots will grow up thinking that all robots are amoral, alcoholic kleptos."

I imagine this is also the way my dog things about getting a treat.

Spoiler Alert!

Trip and T'Pol had sex? Finally!
They had sex! Theyyy haaad seeeexxxx.
They had sex they had sex they had sex!
Theyhadsextheyhadsextheyhadsex!
Did you see that? They TOTALLY had SEX!
OH MY GOD! They had SEX!
AAAHHHHHH!
They had sex!
They.
had.
sex.
Theyhadsex.
They did.
Sex.
Ah.

Enterprise Season 3, Episode 15: Harbinger

If I see one more stand-alone episode this season, I might cry.

Wife: I didn't know they'd still have shitty cars 100 years from now.
Me: *sigh* Time Travel!
Wife: Look, I am not patient. If I can't figure it out RIGHT NOW then it's STUPID.

(later)

Wife: Where do these neighborhoods exist?
Me: Um... what kind of neighborhoods?
Wife: The kind where you can just drive around in the middle of the night looking sketchy.
Me: You mean the kind with a security system and a locked gate?
Wife: God you're annoying!
Me: And you're not paying attention!
Wife: But I mean... Nobody sees this? It looks like he's carrying a dead hooker... Because he's actually carrying around an UNCONSCIOUS HOOKER.

(even later)

Wife: So this tricorder is a magical hack-anything-from-2004 machine?
Me: No. It's a hack-anything-simpler-than-itself machine. And 2004 Earth machines are definitely simpler.

(Enterprise, Season 3, Episode 11: Carpenter Street)

Because "they made that up" is NEVER an acceptable answer.

Okay. The episode was "Twilight" in season 3 of Star Trek Enterprise.

The question: "So... what's a subspace implosion?"

(The video starts freezing and jumping erratically - because I may or may not have downloaded this episode after Enterprise went off the air.)

"THAT is a subspace implosion."

"No, honey, THAT is a bad download."

(pause -- SPOILER ALERT!)

"Okay, lemme get this straight -- they're going to blow up the ship and kill everyone, but somehow that's going to fix everything?"

"Right. It will effectively turn back time."

"Cher never said anything about that."

(sigh) "That was reaching."

That doesn't even make sense.

"I think for the first entry, I should introduce us, like, 'Hi, I'm a nerd. I like nerdy things. I watch nerdy movies and nerdy TV shows. And my wife is like the Calliope to my Jupiter of nerdiness--'"

"What? That doesn't make any sense. Do you even understand the relationship between those two? I mean, Jupiter is Roman and Calliope is Greek!"

"I was referring to size."

"What? That makes even less sense."

"Yeah, but one's huge, and the other is the moon. Right? Isn't Calliope a moon of Jupiter?"

"You're talking about MOONS? I thought you were talking about the gods. I mean, Jupiter is Zeus. I thought you were saying you were the king of the nerds. Which makes more sense than the planet of the nerds."

"No. The two are intrinsically connected, but Calliope has a significantly lower magnitude...of nerdiness."

"That is a terrible way to begin a blog."