Idle Minds...

Okay, so I get delayed waiting for my plane out of this godforsaken excuse for a country and have had to fill my time and mental energy somehow. I mean, if I DON'T, my mind wanders and usually ends up ideating overly dramatic conversations that usually end up making me really upset.

Bottom line: idle mind means I need to fill it with mindless movies. The other night, in order to stymie the flow of daydreams of my life falling apart upon my return home (hey, this place makes you think some DEPRESSING thoughts!) I decided to check out this "Twilight" thing all the ladies have been raving about.

Bad idea. I mean... REALLY bad idea.

And I'm a guy who likes vampires AND chick flicks. The Notebook made me cry. Anne Rice captivated my high school years, until I realized halfway through Tale of the Body Thief that it was actually just gay erotica, and I put it down, so as not to tarnish my memories of Interview/Lestat/QOTD (granted, I turned almost immediately to Michael Chabon, so it's not like I've been able to ESCAPE gay sex in my literature...)

But I digest. Point is, WTF? After the first five minutes of some decent acting between father and daughter that I appreciated, the movie devolved into a Dawson's-Cree-esque montage of actors pushing thirty trying to play seventeen-year-olds and attempting to convey an entire range of emotions though the use of the same two pained expressions.

But hey, now I know what TRUE LOVE is! Twenty minutes stranded in the woods talking weird is what women REALLY want!

If ONLY I had decided to do my hair and makeup like Robert Smith in high school, I too might have managed to bag the new girl. None of the guys I knew in high school who looked like they were from the Cure managed too well, but times have changed! Awful hair and male-lipstick are IN now!

Okay... it wasn't all bad. The one vampire sister with the short hair was cute. I'd TOTALLY do her. Also, the soundtrack was decent. Everything else was bad.

OKAY OKAY OKAY, it's NOT OVER.

I still couldn't sleep. So what did I do? I WATCHED SUNSHINE.

Yea, that's right, I watched The Core... In Space! Cillian Murphy plays Aaron Eckhard from the first iteration of this entirely predictable sci-fi cliche patchwork. So yes, overly attractive astronauts say overly attractive things while getting all sweaty and very attractively save the world by BOMBING THE SUN. Maybe I'm jaded because I was so unenthused by bombing the ACTUAL MOON two weeks ago, but c'mon... they put The Core, Even Horizon, and Armageddon in a Hollywood blender, hired the director of an old Linkin Park video and called it a movie.

Un-like x2.

Next: Spirited Away: a good movie.